{This is in response to a prompt from Friday Fictioneers, run by Rochelle Wisoff-Fields.
The challenge is to write 100 words based on the prompt photo. Thank you for the prompt and thanks for reading!}
Bewitching. A long-haired Adonis, clad only in a golden robe.
Brother Jeb’s hand grazed the tickly tops of the wheat-grass. Good for smoothies, and for blocking the view.
Still. Leggy. Time for a trim.
Without such a stickler for detail, the commune would never have flourished.
Touching, he met the eyes of each acolyte padding by. Mostly women. Their white togas fueled his endless speculation.
“Become accustomed to my touch. Welcome it.” With training, the newbies would come around.
Vibrant Energy, passing through him, to them.
No one refused a Messiah.
“It is you who call me that,” he’d blush.
Beautifully written.
Thank you so much Lisa. Your compliment is music to my ears
I can only echo what everyone else said. Beautiful writing, the content makes me shudder. We all look for meaning in life, and the disillusioned, very young, or gullible are easily manipulated.
Thank you gah. So true.
No wonder he likes the view blocked. What a creep.
Yes. Evil thrives in secret.
My first thought was Charlie Manson and his following. The story left me with a creepy feeling. Well done!
Yup. He’s hard to forget. I recently watched the first season of the show about the Unabomber, too. That was extremely interesting, especially as they seem to show the early development of the concept and practice of profiling, when trying to identify an unknown suspect. It is so hard to understand motivation, when the result of self-fulfillment is the pain, permanent damage, or death, of another–and in some cases, countless others. Sorry to make you feel creepy but that was what I meant to do.:)
Enjoyed the comments as much as the fiction!
And I agree with stu and the others – well done
I’m loving the comments here too! Something I wrote must have struck a nerve. Thank you so much prior!
Indeed – and wishing you a great Sunday Andrea
A story that made me wonder about the reason that cults develope. Well told
It is a mystery. The gullible and the righteous, the weak and the over-weening–opposites attract, I guess.
Beautifully written and left a real shudder – which I think was your intention!
Yes, we should all be very afraid. But, also, someone needs to put him in his place! Which is what I meant, by him ( as well as the window boxes) being due for a “haircut.” As in, a (1)financial downturn; (2)a physical shearing of those locks, as a prelude to prison, and (3) a drastic reduction in his power, a la Samson, in the Bible.
A friend of mime is writing a novel along this line. These guys know who to look for as disciples–the lost, looking for answers, and others who are vulnerable to their message.
You did a great job telling it in 100 words, Andrea. Kudos!
Ha ha, a friend of “mime!”
Oh, that sounds like a good story. I imagine the research is pretty disgusting at times. Good luck to him.
Thank you so much Russell. Clearly 100 words does not do the topic justice, but perhaps it is all the product placement that such pretenders deserve.
Dear Andrea,
Stu took the words right out from under my fingers. 😉 I could see this as the beginnings of a cult, which for me, makes it dark and sinister beneath the pretty descriptions. Well done.
Shalom,
Rochelle
Rochelle, as always, you uncovered the core of my intention. Self-serving motives for doing evil are reprehensible, even when draped in the finery of love and togetherness and a charismatic personality. Hope these acolytes figure that out.
Those anonymous posts should have been caught by Akismet. They’re junk. Don’t feel bad about not publishing them.
Your story described perfectly what a pedophile does. It’s called “grooming,” the process of getting his victim accustomed to non-sexual touch until the perp figures they’re ready to accept sexual touch because they’ve grown to trust him. Gave me the chills.
Thanks for the tip, granonine. Beware false compliments (from spam), I guess.
I find such techniques of manipulation both repulsive and fascinating, but I wish I could tell these acolytes to be more distrusting. It is very sad, indeed, to think this may be going on, somewhere, as we speak.
The anonymous posts did alert me to the fact, that I posted this around the anniversary of Sharon Tate’s brutal murder by the Charles Manson cult in 1969. Wasn’t aware of that, till after publishing. I think another post touched on the same theme.
Beautiful imagery… but yeah…I’m with Stu…
Thank you Dale. Even something ugly can be portrayed in a beautiful way. That’s the problem.
And that’s how a cult is born.
Well, if the writing thing doesn’t work out, Stu…
I received several comments on this post from “Anonymous”, with no name or identifiable IP or email. I’m sorry but I won’t be publishing these until I know who you are. Thank you for your kind words, anyway!
Loved the description of togas and everything Greek. This line was quite vivid- A long-haired Adonis, clad only in a golden robe
Thank you, Piyali! Someone embarking on such a venture would have to have a very special allure, I think!