{This is a response to What Pegman Saw, a 150-word prompt based on Google Maps. This week we are in Wales. My story has less to do with Wales than with how a certain middle-aged man (and woman) might feel, in a place like this. It is a series of short vignettes that are not completely chronological. I have broken them up according to when the time changes or shifts back. Hope you enjoy. Thanks for reading and for the prompt!}
Alyssa liked it here. Not Jaime. To him, turquoise paint screamed Miami, not Wales.
He wanted spontaneity. Everything was too neat, too clean. Take the white deck chairs, arranged for the perfect view.
Out, over the monotonous bay. Up, to the condescending cathedral.
Rarely did tourists look anywhere but down, at their phones.
“Chocolates on the pillow, last night,” hissed Alyssa, pulling her shoestring so tight, the bed shook.
Jaime shifted. His eyes cracked. His head throbbed.
Insanely early.
She yanked the curtains back, no mercy. Stabbing his eyeballs with shafts of livid light.
One vodka.
Maybe one turned into two. Till he stumbled back to his waiting bride– of twenty years–after midnight.
Surprise: she wasn’t waiting anymore.
She was snoring. Drooling. Smelling, faintly, of chocolate.
Now, finally, Alyssa was ready to run.
As the door slammed shut behind her, Jaime wondered, why a jogger needed quite so many suitcases.
The opening line is brilliant. And they just get better and better. Great story, Andrea, full of astute and acute observations.
So happy you liked it!
Cinematic and novel. The subtext is sublime!
Thank you Karen. Being a lover of the moving picture, Im happy switching scenes and camera angles worked for you!
Wow. Short and not so sweet. The last line says it all.
Super story, Andi! I love the way you tell it through the vignettes. Alyssa gave Jaime every chance of realising what was happening, didn’t she? I love the double meaning of the word ‘run’ in the penultimate sentence. Likewise, I love ‘She was snoring. Drooling. Smelling, faintly, of chocolate.’ Very powerful for something so simply written.
Kudos – that’s really good writing!
Thanks so much Penny! As usual, you picked up on my every intention!
I totally agree with Penny!