{This a reply to Friday Fictioneers a weekly photo-inspired 100-word writing challenge. Thanks for the prompt and for stopping by to read!}
Eddie stretched out his manicured hands. Not easy, in this cramped minibus, whose passengers could ill afford the luxury of space.
His shallow mouth-breaths filtered the stench emanating from a gangly teen, sitting knees to chest, collapsed.
The boy glared at Eddie’s haberdasher suit. It bespoke loftier origins.
Eddie would endure anything, to escape his own stifling class. To rub elbows with real people, instead.
In moments, he would disembark, don second-hand clothes, and disappear. To swim, in the anonymity of crowds. To watch humanity steam and froth, warmed by the neon’s indulgent glow.
But he, too, was being watched.
Very nice use of the prompt with lovely descriptive language
Thank you James!
There’s a lot you don’t tell us in this story (yes, I know, only 100 words!). His manicured hands are going to be a giveaway, unless he is going to present as a woman – which could also account for him buying second hand clothes just for the evening. And maybe the watcher is a private detective hired by his wife. Or then again, the backstory may be totally different! Nicely intriguing.
Oh I like your version Penny! I didn’t peek inside the bag to see what kind of clothes…😊
Intriguing tale.
But I didn’t understand why he planned to dress down, and why after the bus trip rather than before
Good question why not before…my idea was that he was coming straight from a high-level professional executive type job, and wanted to blend in with the crowds in a racier section of town. Glad it was intriguing!
Hmm, not so sure I’m a fan of Eddie. Think some one else isn’t a fan either. Great take on the prompt.
Thanks siobhan! When a person tries to escape his fate, he may find, in his new, chosen land, that the locals are far from welcoming.
There’s no getting away, Eddie…
Dear Andrea,
As the saying goes, “The other man’s grass is always greener.” I think Eddie’s about to learn some harsh realities. Well written.
Shalom,
Rochelle
Thanks Rochelle. “Slumming it” as we used to call it in the bad old days, can get you in trouble. I got mugged once doing something similar. 🙂
You never know what may be on someone else’s agenda, whilst you’re busily preparing your own. Nicely done.
Thanks Sandra!
Killer last line! (Hopefully not literally.)
Thanks Sascha! I hope not!
To want to escape and be his own man, I can understand. ‘Twould appear will not be so easy as he hoped.
‘Twould. 😊. Thanks Dale!
That last line left quite a chill in the air! Well done.
It is that time of year, even down South, in Florida! 40 degrees Fahrenheit tonite! Thanks granonine!
Ah, Andrea, I have a feeling that he might not like much what is about to follow …
It does not look good for him…Thanks Na’ama!
Very well-written story, Andrea. I love this line: “To watch humanity steam and froth, warmed by the neon’s indulgent glow.”
Thank you msjadeli! That went through several iterations, glad this one pleased you!
You are very welcome.
I can’t help thinking Eddie actually had a dastardly plan, and someone got wind of it!
That is quite possible Keith!
As much as he likes to do it, it seems like mixing with the common folk might land him in some trouble. Good intrigue.
Thanks Iain. Nice to hear that from a a suspense writer!
This seemed such a simple story about someone observing ordinary life until that last line. Well done!
Susan A Eames at
Travel, Fiction and Photos
Thanks Susan. Glad it hit the mark.
The trouble with making plans is sometimes that others are also making them, Nicely sinister last line
Thank you Neil!
I imagine he would have looked so out of place. Begs the question why Eddie wanted to “run away”? How was he being stifled?
Yes Im afraid this piece leaves more questions than answers, Tannile!