{This is a response to Friday Fictioneers, a 100-word-story photo prompt. Thanks for reading and thanks for the picture! To a person used, to seeing boxy warehouse churches, and straight, asphalt streets, it seems very European-ish!)
Alfonzo conquered mazes of narrow alleyways, twisting and turning. In old-town Mäuschen, cars crawled. But on a nimble mini-bike, nothing stood in his way.
At the pub with the fierce tomcat shingle, the gang hoisted a few. Suspecting nothing.
A dark, candle-lit corner held the object of his desire. Magda, engirdled by addled admirers.
They rose politely, pressed hands. Assuming Alfonzo to be a gentleman.
Even now, her mousey brown eyes turned toward his, and locked. Cascades of sensation coursed through him, heralding conquest.
He nudged Magda, offering a helmet.
“Wanna go for a spin?”
This one would be easy.
Hmm. I had a variety of reactions, but after reading it through again, I’ve come to this conclusion: Alfonzo could be a serial rapist/killer, or he could just be a jerk. Magda is no innocent, so unless he’s murderous, I think she’ll be okay. Cat and mouse can work both ways 🙂
Thank you granonine, I value your informed opinion. Lots of mixed messages here, I guess, but it seems to keep people wondering. So many ways to expand this piece, thanks to all the comments here!
One of the many things I love about FF is just that–so many different takes on the prompt, so many different directions each story should go.
I’m not sure about Alfonzo. I suspect he is more than just a Don Juan..
That is a definite possibility, and Magda better watch her back, while on the back of his bike, watching his.
I bet Magda is going to steal his wallet and disappear! Would serve him right too.
?
Alfonzo one smooth cookie. How can Magda decline. That too a person with an unstoppable scooter.
?
it makes me wonder who is the predator in this case? somebody will sure be sorry later. 🙂
Good question. Perhaps the trap will be sprung but no mouse will get caught. Someone will just get away with the cheese. Barbaric, either way, but better than sticky paper. Hard to work that in as a metaphor. ?
Oh… He sounds like a bad boy… but I think Magda can handle a boy on a moped
Your descriptive writing really drew me in, letting me see the story unfold in my mind’s eye. Alfonzo sure is full of himself
Thank you magarisa. He certainly is!
I kind of hope his confidence is misplaced. He doesn’t have the right attitude.
I agree. A little too focused on victory for my tastes.
I’m hoping she won’t fall for those charms, but fear she will! She’s too young to know any better, I suspect. Funnily enough, we both chose the name Magda this week, though mine is much older. Wonder if mine is your Magda as an old lady? Great story Andrea
A regular ‘jack’the’lad’ as we would say. I doubt things will go smoothly for him.
Perhaps the mousetrap has been laid for him!
Dear Andrea,
I have the impression that Alfonzo’s intentions are nowhere near honorable. Nicely done.
Shalom,
Rochelle
I think you got that right, Rochelle. ?
Sly devil. he sounds like he’s up to no good.
Definitely.
He is a cocky one but I don’t think she is that innocent, mousy or not 😉
Perhaps he’s the one, who should watch himself! She’s clearly no stranger to men’s admiration.
That’s what I was thinking…
Mäuschen is often used as a term of endearment. For some reason Germans like to call their loved ones by animal names, little mouse, little rabbit, little bear… anyway, that Alfonzo is very full of himself. Magda seems to know how to handle a crowd of admirers though.
Thanks for the insight into the term! Yes perhaps Alfonzo will find himself just as helpless, in the face of her charms.
I like this tale of cat and mouse! And I’m highly entertained that the raffish villain should proffer a helmet to Magda – as if he’d care about her safety!
Haha! Didn’t even spot that irony myself! Hope I wasn’t too heavy-handed with the cat and mouse theme: i actually never saw the cat until i had already posted and started reading other posts. The cat came from the name of a pub (or Kneipe)we used to go to while I was in Germany. The name of the town is invented (at least, I cant find it on Google), but it means “little mouse.” So yes predation is definitely meant to be a theme here!
He sounds creepy to me – don’t go with him Magda !
Glad that came through. I don’t think his main motivation is ensuring her happiness, that’s for sure!
Hubba hubba. He sounds like a bit of a cad.
That seems to be the general consensus.
Surely Magda won’t be taken in by a Vespa scooter! 🙂
Yes we are cutting before the scene where she laughs in his face. ?Actually in my mind, she’s pretty young, and any form of transportation, as long as it’s driven by someone as good-looking as Alfonzo, is going to impress her, at least long enough for her to climb aboard. ?
Ooh, he sounds like a bit of a cad!
Could be…