{This is in response to a prompt from Friday Fictioneers, led by Rochelle Wisoff-Fields.
The task is to write 100 words based on the photo. Thanks for the prompt and thanks to all for reading!}
“Lose 636% more abdominal fat!”
The tattered tabloid hawked the impossible.
Others ate. Mrs. Ellis had always preferred smoking, thank God.
At least she wasn’t fat.
One of her Persians, Silky, jumped on her lap. He pirouetted, settled. Her knotted hand stroked his responsive back. Black fur, white chinos.
Wasn’t like she had to be anywhere.
She had already seen her soaps, played voyeur to the stars, and sponged the kitchen counter, for hair and paw prints.
She cradled his smudged photo. How dashing he once was! How debonair!
Lips pursed, radiating wrinkles. She lit another.
The sooner to join him.
You painted a vivid scene of Mrs. Ellis’s lonely life. Nicely done! =)
Thank you brenda.
I love this. There is such a sense of emptiness in this story, it’s painful. Appearance is everything to her, this shows in every line. Maybe a bit more substance and less show would have made her happier. Even with a bit more fat.
Good point. Part of the recipe for happiness, I think, is accepting imperfection in ourselves, as well as in others.
A pen portrait of loneliness. I hope she has made proper provision for the Persians though. There are organisations in the UK at least that lone people can contact to make sure their pets are safely rehomed if necessary.
I could not resist the crazy cat lady idea, at the risk of concerning some cat lovers. We have moved into a house before, permeated with Persian cat fur, even behind the outlet covers, because the previous owner bred them. They are beautiful cats, though, and I would hate for them to come to an untimely end. I can’t guarantee that they won’t suffer from the second-hand smoke, though.
Dear Andrea,
You’ve packed so much into so few words. Well layered story with vivid descriptions. Well done.
Shalom,
Rochelle
Thank you Rochelle. Your story was sad too, connecting the unnecessary death toll with the positive advertising of the era. Sooner is always too soon for those who know and love the one who passes on.
Suicide by cigarette. Knowing exactly what she’s doing.
She was clearly not unaware of the consequences.
Your twist at the end worked well for me – I certainly didn’t expect it. Cigarette smoking as a socially acceptable means of suicide? Interesting concept. You’ve written a very sad story, Andi, because you’ve made your main character’s life so empty of any meaning.
Thanks Penny, sorry that this cloud seemed to have no silver lining. I do not know that anyone would truly choose to go in such a slow and ultimately painful way, but i think many people harm themselves in subtle, private ways as a reaction to sorrow.
The sounds like my Nan, Andrea! She died when my eldest son was born, in the same hospital. One in, one out, as they say.
Loved the dowdy upbeat ness of this.
Thanks Kelvin. I love the term “dowdy upbeatness!” So sorry to hear about your loss and gain all at once. Im sure she would have insisted that your joy be undiluted.
That last line is achingly beautiful, Andrea. It’s sad to envisage her plight, but hey who are we to comment?
Thank you Varad. Feelings are not right or wrong, and therefore, are beyond judgment. That said, I hope this turns out to only be a temporary slump.
A troubled soul. Well written.
Thank you Iain. I think you are right. Losing a spouse is one of the hardest things people ever do, and some cope better than others. ?
Very vividly drawn. I could see her. Well done.
Susan A Eames at
Travel, Fiction and Photos
Thank you Susan. Although I must apologize for exposing you to this mess, and, of course, to the cats. ?
What a horrible way to live…
Not ideal for sure. You wonder where are her friends, her family?
Smoking is injurious to health. But so difficult to quit.
Yes, you are right, abhiray. I am not defending smoking. I am merely trying to portray life from a particular smoker’s point of view.
It seems she feels there’s nothing left to live for, poor woman.
Let us hope this is only a fleeting impression of a broader, more fulfilled life.
Wow, that’s a lot of abdominal fat. Both of my wife’s parents were chain-smokers. Needless to say, they’re gone now. Possibly in some smoke-filled, tar & nicotine utopia on the other side.
My family has specialized more in the belly fat department. I think neither envies the other. ?